Stay up all night with your vomiting toddler. Luckily you have a stinking cold, so you can’t smell the puke. Then carry the sad little person around all day clinging to you like a limpet. Finally put the recovering beast to bed, escape room on tiptoe and listen with breath held for the sound of silence. Rejoice mightily.
Cost: several more grey hairs and approximately $500 in electricity to wash every item of clothing and bed linen in the house. How do kids manage to get that puke so far? Are you having fun? I know I am.
Make yourself a killer hot toddy, infuse sage leaves, grated ginger, lemon juice and zest, orange, New Zealand bush honey (thanks Olly) and a hella hella hefty whiskey.
“Darling, can you pop outside and get me some sage?” “Why, yes my love, it is raining cats and dogs, and you are tending to our poorly daughter, I will nip outside into this inclement weather and get you some sage.” “Why darling, these sage leaves are awfully furry, and they don’t smell quite as I expect, could it be you gathered me the digitalis instead?”
Actually he didn’t, it was sage all along, but we contracted a major attack of paranoia, dumped the first batch of sage and went and picked more. Moral of the story, don’t let foxgloves self-seed in your herb bed no matter how pretty they are, it will come back and bite you on the arse one dark rainy night.
Cost: $0.50 for hot toddy ingredients. The whiskey was a gift, thanks Si & Biddy. The added enjoyable frisson of thinking you’ve nearly poisoned yourself is free.
Now you are drunk. Huzzah! Attempt to write a coherent and thoughtful blog post about a vision for a car free central Christchurch. Fail. Instead write complete drivel about your crap weekend because in your addled little mind it tenuously fits a theme of simple mindful living.
Congratulate yourself heartily on managing to post once this week. Post a link to a much better blog as compensation to your loyal readers. Take yourself off to bed, thinking fond thoughts about your beloved partner who upgraded the electric blanket to a really good one.
Cost: nothing but lasting damage to your self esteem. Now do I know how to show you a good time or what?