Your shopping trolley is empty

Online grocery shopping for the month has become an extreme sport round these parts. I have a stock take sheet for the household groceries, (which includes rotating our emergency apocalypse larder so that our cans of Spam* never go out of date).

If we run out of something vital during the month, I perform a dire self imposed penalty; something truly agonising like reading The Press.

Last month we ran out of butter. Who was I kidding with my two blocks of butter? The wheels of this house are greased by butter. The Bobbin eats slabs of it for breakfast; I use it instead of moisturiser, I just apply it on the inside. Two blocks might just see us through a week. I won’t be making that mistake again and the dear child is, as I type, playing happily in her new playhouse constructed from 500 blocks of Anchor’s finest unsalted. Also, did you know that if you Google “house built out of blocks of butter” nothing comes up? This is a tragedy.

*Just joking, I’m a total food snob, we’d never have Spam in the house, particularly not if the world were ending.


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